Smelly queens and demanding mates
by Eraman
Summary: Have you ever had a day when it feels like the whole world is against you? Or at least the whole yard? Well for Munk it is.My entering for Evanne Taylor's poke my funny bone contest


Munkustrap sat on the trunk of TSE1 and watched the kittens play. He yawned big and rubbed his eyes sleepily. Last night he didn't get much sleep because his pregnant mate Demeter had woken up and demanded him to go and get her some tuna with orange marmalade so she could mix it with chocolate ice-cream. I know sounds grouse but when my own mother was pregnant with my oldest brother she ate vanilla buns with herring in tomato sauce stuck into the bun *shudders* now that's grouse. Anyway Munkustrap had looked around for hours before he got everything she wanted only to find her fast asleep and when she woke up the next morning she had asked him why the heck he'd gone out to get all this. Munk had stared at her and told her that she told him to. She had answered:

"Now Munk I know my pregnancy can make me crave for anything but not even _I_ would crave for something so utterly grouse."

"You did", he had said back.

"I think you must have dreamt it."

"What? You know very well I never dream strange things!"

"Now listen here mister who was it that dreamt that Tugger ran around the yard with green fur and a pink tutu doing ballet and flirting with every trash can in sight?"

Munkustrap had grumbled something that had sounded:

"I got to go to work." And then hurried out of the den.

Now Munk was feeling his eyes drop and he fought to stay awake. He noticed someone sit down beside him.

"Hello Munkustrap", Cassandra said. "You look tired."

"I am tired."

"Well to be honest you look horrible."

He glared at her and smirked. "You don't look too good yourself."

It was true her fur was sticking out in every direction and she was very, very dirty. She glared at him.

"For your information mister I always look great", she said.

"Oh yes you do", answered the kitten Quaxo as he ran up to them.

"Hear", Cassandra said smugly and looked at Munk.

"Especially with your butt stuck in a bucket, your tail stuck in the pipe of an old car and an old can of tuna on your oh so adorable head."

Munkustrap started to laugh.

"Why you little", Cassandra said and made a grab for Quaxo but the kitten jumped out of the way.

"I always wondered what my brother Alonzo sees in you", he said.

"It can't be her beauty", Misto grinned to his younger brother. "I think even Gus is more beautiful than that."

"Misto I didn't know you liked toms", Quaxo grinned. "Aw poor Jemima will be heartbroken."

"Quaxo you are an idiot."

"At least I am something."

"And I'm not?"

"Nope everyone knows magic does not exist so you can't either. You are just something my mind has made up."

"I guess your mind made up a ugly looking Cassandra too."

"Now, now boys", Munkustrap said and put an arm around Cassandra's shoulders. "We all know Cassandra is beautiful otherwise."

"Thank you Munk", Cassandra said.

"It's her smell that is always horrible today is an improvement though. What is that audé the Yuck?"

She pushed him away and crossed her arms while the kittens laughed and Munk yawned again.

"Tired Munksy", Misto grinned.

"Yes."

Misto looked at Quaxo and both grinned. Misto mumbled some words and Cassandra yawned big too.

"Come to think of it", she said. "I'm tired too."

They both fell to sleep and lied down beside each other. Munk had his arm around her and she snuggled into his chest.

"You two are evil", Jemima grinned.

"Thank you", the black cats said.

"What do you think will happen when Demeter finds them", Tumble asked. "Or Alonzo?"

"Our brother will just laugh but I don't know about Demeter", Misto said and looked at Quaxo.

"Poor things", his brother said with a big grin. "I almost feel sorry for them."

"That grin ruins the impression Quaxo", Pouncival said.

"I almost feel sorry for them", Quaxo said and pouted.

"Much better."

"Oh here they come", Etcetera said and the kittens hurried off as Alonzo and Demeter came towards the car.

"Now now Dem I swear that Munk is not mad at you", Alonzo assured the sad looking queen.

"But I declared him stupid Alonzo!"

"Dem I declare him stupid everyday and he doesn't care."

"That's because you're his friend! I'm his mate."

"I am too."

The kittens sniggered and Demeter hit him.

"What", he asked innocently. "It is a word for friend too."

"I hate you."

"Aw Demi you're breaking my heart. Oh…" they had reached the car. Demeter had been sad before but now her shoulders rose and fell with every single angry breath. Her mate was curled up with Cassandra! And the queen even looked horrible and smelt it too. Alonzo bit his lip to keep from laughing.

"MUNKUSTRAP", Demeter roared and the two sleeping cats woke up, looked at each other and sprung apart.

"Yuck I hope I doesn't get your smell on me", Munk said.

"Oh grow up", Cassandra spat. A shadow fell over Munkustrap and he looked up.

"Eh hi Demi love." He said and felt himself blush.

"Don't love me you stupid bastard", Demeter yelled. "Why are you sleeping with her?!"

"Technically we were just resting", Munkustrap answered his voice a few octaves higher than usual.

"What's the difference?!"

"Well you see", Quaxo said from Alonzo's side. "When two cats sleep with each other the tom-"

Alonzo put a paw over his mouth and grinned sheepishly at the angry Demeter.

"It's the sun", he said. "Poor little fella can't take too much sun. It gets to his head."

Demeter just glared at them and turned back to her mate.

"You loghead", she yelled. "I practically declare you stupid and you cheat on me?!"

"He can't be a loghead", Quaxo said, freed from Alonzo. "He isn't a tree."

Demeter blinked in confusion and Alonzo had to bit his lip to keep from laughing.

"What", Demeter asked.

"He can't be a loghead because he isn't made out of wood Demeter", Quaxo said innocently.

"It is just a thing you say Quaxo", Misto said tiredly.

"Nu uh."

"What?"

"I never say it."

"I don't mean you you. I mean cats in general."

"Since when are cats in the army?"

Alonzo broke out laughing at that as did the other kittens and Cassandra and Munk sniggered a little.

"If you weren't so adorable I would have your hide", Demeter told Quaxo. "And you…" She turned back to her mate and Cassandra and they sobered up at once. "What do you have to say for yourselves?!"

"I was tired and fell asleep?" Munk tried.

"Uh hu and how about you", Demeter turned to Cassandra.

"I'm just unfortunate."

"No", Quaxo piped up. "You're smelly."

Cassandra growled and turned to her own mate. "Alonzo do I have the permission to strangle your little brother?"

"No you don't", he answer and put a paw over his nose. "But you have my permission to go and take a bath. Puh Cassie what have you done to yourself?"

"I'm just unfortunate."

"Well whatever you are I'm glad I don't love you for your looks for right now you look like something you find in the trash."

"And he is my mate", Cassandra grumbled as she left to clean herself up a bit.

Munk looked at Demeter who was still angry.

"I'm sorry love", he said. "I was just tired from last night."

"Demanding mate keeping you awake", Alonzo asked.

"No", Demeter spat. "It was his odd dreams."

"Er mum", Jemima said. "You _did_ keep him up."

"I did?"

"Yeah you demanded him to get you some really disgusting things to eat."

"I did?!"

"Yeah. I could hear you into my room."

Munkustrap looked at Demeter with a smug smile on his lips.

"Well love who is dreaming now?" he asked.

"I think it is Cassandra", Misto said. "She wishes this was just a nightmare."

"What happened to her anyway", Munk asked.

"Don't worry she looks like that every morning", Alonzo grinned and they stared at him. "I told you I didn't fall in love with her because of her looks. Especially not in the mornings."

The kittens laughed and Munk shook his head and turned to his mate.

"Is everything forgotten love?" he asked and she gave him a hug.

"Yes it is. Whoa!"

"What?"

"You stink!"

"I do not!"

"I hate to tell you mate", Alonzo grinned and waved a paw in front of his face. "But you do. I think you were a tad too close to Cassie."

"Aw now dad is ugly and stinky too", Jemima said and pouted.

"I am not ugly", Munkustrap huffed. He was met with complete silence.

"This is where you are supposed to say I'm not", he told his mate.

"Sorry love but I do not lie", she answered and walked off with the kittens who all nodded sincerely. Munk turned to Alonzo.

"The jury has spoken", Alonzo said and shrugged and walked off. "You are guilty."

Munk sighed. "Have you ever had one of these days when the world is against you?" he asked the sky. The sky rumbled and the rain started to fall. "Well I see the entire world is against me."

*How could you guess* he could swear he heard the sky say. *I need a laugh too.*

"Everlasting cat I have lost it", Munk hurried to shelter.

*You have certainly lost something*, the Everlasting cat said to the empty yard. *Your beauty but I guess that is the prize for getting old. Yay me I will never get old.*

* * *

**There you have it folks I actually tried to write something funny.**


End file.
